It is a chilly morning in the land of the sun. When I took Jak out a little bit ago, I noticed there was frost on my car. The sun is shining though so it won't stay long. I'm at a loss today trying to remember what day it actually is because I am off on a Sunday and that very rarely happens.
As I move along into 2016, I have decided my plan for this year is to really embrace who I am. I've come to realize over the past few months that I think I've spent a lot of my life making myself feel like less because I haven't lived up to societal norms. I didn't go to college, I'm in my late 30's and haven't been married or had kids. In my mid 30's I packed up and moved away from my family instead of doing it when I was 20. The thing is this, the only time I question or feel at all unhappy with my life choices is when I look at them through what I perceive to be the lens of society.
The biggest thing about myself that I am working to embrace this year is that I am introvert. This does not mean I am unfriendly, antisocial or lonely. What it does mean is that I have to be mindful of how much and with who I socialize because I can get overwhelmed easily and in effect depleted. And when I am feeling depleted I need to be alone. Being alone is how I recharge. As an introvert I am thinker. My mind is always churning. If you see me with what appears to be a sad/serious face or seemingly staring at something intently, I am just thinking. And not necessarily about anything unpleasant.
Since I'm only now starting to recognize what being an introvert really means, it didn't occur to me in making the move here how this would effect making connections in a new area. Before I moved, my mom and I went to the same restaurant pretty much every Friday night. We became friendly with the owners. The waitresses new my order without me even telling them. (I think routine may be another part of being an introvert.) Now, after being here almost three years, I finally have a new restaurant where I'm getting to know the staff and vice versa. Connections take time for an introvert and that's perfectly okay.
Mostly this year, I just want to keep telling that voice in my head that can be oh so unkind, that I am enough. Just as I am. What that voice wants me to believe is that what it perceives as shortcomings, are really what make me imperfectly perfectly me. I've read a lot about how people are looking for their purpose in life. Perhaps our purpose in life is to figure out who we are and how to best embrace that so we can grow and flourish. Hello, my name is Hope and I am proud to be an introvert.
